Thursday, January 27, 2011


Right now, I just want to eat a big pile of something.  It doesn’t even really matter what exactly so long as it’s not something I dislike.  That’s a small list, by the way.  But, a heaping pile of spaghetti, which I haven’t had in forever, would be absolutely delish.  A large serving of pot roast and a huge side of my divine homemade mashed potatoes.  Yes, I called my own homemade mashed potatoes divine.  What?  They are.  Can’t be helped.  A whole loaf of garlic bread.  An entire pie.  A plateful of falafel and yogurt sauce.  An enormous omelet.  A whole loaf’s worth of grilled cheese sandwiches.  A mixing bowl full of Cheerio’s.  Like I said, I just want to scarf the heck out a huge amount of food right now.  You see, since I’m dieting, I have moments where my blood sugar crashes.  I suppose I will start having a piece of fruit with my lunch from now on.  That should help with the sugar crash.  Maybe I’m just trying to do too much too fast.

That’s another one of my problems.  I’m sure a lot of people could agree with this too.  I expect results way faster than is actually possible and then I don’t understand why I’m not getting these rapid results, even though I’m working my ass off at what I’m doing.  There’s a part of me that doesn’t understand that doing things the fast track way doesn’t always equal lasting success.  Hell, it doesn’t necessarily even equal remote success in some instances…or half-ass success.  I have to learn to be patient and more understanding. 

Jon-Pierre always knew how to dash my positive energy.  I’d have a happy thought and would express it and he’d squash it so fast I wouldn’t even know what hit me.  I would be all excited about something and in he’d come, Captain Pessimist, and ruin the moment for me.

So, yesterday I received the trial version of the spinal cord stimulator implant.  What that means is that they ran some leads up alongside my spinal cord and then connected them to an external generator.  I can control the intensity of the tingling sensation with a remote control.  The leads slipped a little (I was warned this may occur due to bending and twisting and stretching motions) and now I’m getting a good portion of the tingling sensation in my legs as opposed to mostly localizing in my lower back like it’s supposed to.  The tingling in my legs is a little annoying, but the part that is still hitting my lower back is good.  I can move that portion of my spine around a little and I find that the pain is almost non-existent there, which is a good sign.  They said that after about 4 days of wearing the trial version is to be expected and that I should have a good idea of how this treatment will work for my pain as far as a permanent implant goes.  If you were to ask me to decide right now and were to guarantee that the tingling in my legs would be mostly or all gone, then I would say yes to getting the permanent implant.

A list of things I would like to do once I am free of the constant pain:
Ø  Ride my bicycle at least once a week
Ø  Go kayaking at least once within every 2 weeks
Ø  Take the dog for hikes instead of walks
Ø  Volunteer at the Humane Society a few days a month
Ø  Pilates
Ø  I’d like to try my hand at jogging again
These are the main things I would love to be able to do and look forward to doing.  I’m sure that there is a lot more things that will become evident that I want to do when the time comes.  I plan on purchasing a kayak of my own within the next two months so that I can go kayaking with my friend, Doug.  I told Doug about my plans to buy a kayak and he got all excited and told me to hurry up and buy my kayak.  Hahahaha!  I want to buy a new bicycle.  I currently have a pretty heavy mountain bike that I would like to sell to someone who may actually use it for its intended off road purpose.  However, they’ll have to buy new knobby tires for it because I put street tires on it.  The bicycle I want to buy is a street bicycle.  I would really like to be able to train to ride the BP MS 150 bicycle race next January if I can.  That would be quite the comeback story if I can pull it off.  Plus, the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that I’ll get from it?  Priceless.

So many things I have taken for granted that I have learned over the past 5 months that I can never take for granted.  So many things that people do every day and don’t think twice about doing.  Going up and down the 2 flights of stairs at my apartment can be a struggle for me sometimes, let alone walking the dog for an hour a couple days a week.  Being able to do exercise that is actually beneficial to losing weight is another.  I would love to be able to pound out the cardio like I did a year ago when I dropped 30 pounds in only 2 months.  I will do that again.  I will succeed.  I will learn to love myself as I am and I will just love myself more as I mold myself into the person I truly aim to be.

I have been playing World of Warcraft like crazy lately.  I can’t really do much else and I sort of got tired of watching episode after episode of Bones on Netflix.  Sure, I love the show.  It’s one of my favorites.  But I can only take so much at a time before I want to scream.  I love World of Warcraft.  I can find myself playing for hours on hours and forgetting to eat sometimes when I don’t have a time limit to my gameplay that day.  Today, for instance, I almost forgot to eat lunch until my stomach growled at me like a Wind Rider.  The character I’m playing right now is Worgen, which is basically a werewolf.  They  were the new race introduced to the game when the Cataclysm expansion pack came out.  I am a member of a truly awesome guild, the ßLØØds.  They are a guild of very helpful, very personable and nice people.  Point in case happened today.  I was upset because I reached level 60 and wanted to get the ability to have a flying mount.  Turns out I was over 200gold short of this goal because I was unaware that there were 2 things that I had to purchase/train in order to make having a flying mount a reality for me.  One of my guildmates, completely unsolicited, sent me 225gold so that I could get what I needed to get!  I couldn’t believe it.  After I had thrown a temper tantrum at that person and the rest of the guild members that were logged in at the time this person was so very nice to me.  I owe an act of epic niceness to someone else in the future as a result of this.

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