Monday, February 21, 2011

Looking Pretty

Tomorrow is my last day of work before my surgery.  It’s only a half day, so it’s not too bad.  I get off at noon, which is good because I need to cash the check that my parents sent me and go pay the court fees on the two tickets I got the other day so that they’re taken care of. 

I really couldn’t be more excited about my surgery.  I’m still worried about my job.  Things are really just up in the air for me right now regarding that. 

I imagine that 2 weeks is probably enough time for me to heal enough and get over being too sore enough for me to return to full duty.  I’ll have my staples out by then.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so that will help me out too.

I need to buy a new pair of pants for work.  With all the weight I’ve gained this past year, I don’t fit in the pants that they issued me anymore.  I’m just hoping I can squeeze myself into my uniform shirt still.  I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to pull that one off, thanks to the little bit of weight I have managed to lose recently.

Maybe, if I am able to get back to work as quickly as only 2 weeks after surgery, maybe I can start doing activities not too much longer after that.  Of course, they did tell me that it should really be as close to around 2 months after the surgery before I do anything really active.  But I should be able to get away with walking more, hiking, and using the elliptical machine on a regular basis.  I would say maybe a month to 6 weeks after surgery, I should be okay to go kayaking with Doug.  And then at the 2 month mark, I can start going on bicycling trips.  Oh it will be so nice to be able to do these things again.

I really miss riding my bike and doing more things outdoors.  Sure, I didn’t do a whole lot out of doors all last year thanks to being completely in love and enthralled with Jon-Pierre and then due to the herniated discs in my lower back.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it right now.  In fact, it makes me miss it even more than I otherwise would, more than if it had all just been due to my injury.  I yearn for it.  I love being outside. 

The weather yesterday really made me ache for being outside.  It was sunny and mild, about 80 degrees out.  It was perfect for a 3-4 hour bicycle ride, or a little bit of hiking with a picnic, or for a day of kayaking.  Just perfect.

I want to go on a camping trip this year sometime.  Sure, it will probably be just me and the dog, but that’s fine with me.  Maybe I can get Doug to go too.  I want to go to Big Bend National Park.  I’ve never been and I always hear great things about it.  If Doug doesn’t have camping gear, then I’ll have to buy some.  I’ll buy a tent and an inflatable mattress and a sleeping bag.  Hell, should probably buy those things anyway, just so I have them and also because I’ll most likely end up camping alone.

I found and bought the perfect swimsuit yesterday!  It’s exactly what I had described to myself as wanting.  Black, with a skirt just long enough to hid the lumpiness of my hips and thighs.  It is a size 16, but it’s tight enough that it will still fit me when I’m a size 14 or even a 12.  Now, I just need to have and heal from surgery and buy a life jacket so that I can go kayaking with Doug.  It’s a very classy cut suit too.

Something else I will be able to do is to workout on my lunch break at work.  I’ll be able to do 45 minutes on the elliptical machine they have in the workout room.  Of course, that’s the only thing they have in the workout room.  There used to be a treadmill too, but they took it out and moved it elsewhere.  But that extra 45 minutes of cardio on the days I work will help out a lot as far as weight loss goes.

I’ve decided not to sell my bicycle.  I’m going to fix it up instead.  It needs a new crank.  A decent new one of those runs about $150 and up.  The chain slips too, but replacing the crank may actually take care of that problem as well.  There is also a place where I can volunteer (minimum of 20 hours in 6 months) and learn how to fix bicycles!  How cool is that?  So, I think once I’m doing better from the surgery, that I will start to volunteer there.  It would be so awesome to be able to work on my own bicycle.  I need to have the crank for the pedals replaced because the bearings are pretty much completely shot.  Also, the chain needs to be either replaced or tightened because it slips every now and then.

I’m going to a small renaissance fair early next month with my friend Denise.  I won’t have much money to spend due to the payday loan I have to pay, but it will still be a good time and it will be fun to get to hang out with Denise outside of work.  I still need to meet her doggies.  She has 4 dachshunds.  I want to take my doggie over to meet her doggies so they can all play together.  My dog really needs to be socialized more often, just like I do.

I wrote my Aunt Marilyn the other day.  She had sent me a little package with a darling Christmas ornament that was a snowman that said “daughter” on it and some dragon earrings.  Unfortunately, I can’t wear the earrings because they’re the kind where the front of the dragon is on the front of the ear and the hind end is behind the ear.  I have zero gauge holes in my earlobes, so I can’t wear them.  I’ll probably try to sell them on eBay for like $10.

I love my Aunt Marilyn.  She’s an awesome lady.  When I used to go and spend time with her when I was little, people used to think that we were either sisters or mother and daughter because we looked so alike.  We both had strawberry-blond hair and blue eyes.  Now, we both bleach our hair. 

I used to spend a lot of time with her when I was a child.  At one point, she had a couple horses and I remember us going for horseback rides on them.  I remember eating deer liver with onions and loving it at her house with my dad.

I love writing letters.  I love telling people what’s going on with my life.  I also love receiving letters.  I love hearing what is going on with them.  I don’t care if it’s handwritten or typed or emailed; I love it all.  I love having that communication, that connection, with them.  It makes me feel like a part of something.  It makes me feel like I’m important because they took the time to write to me and they think enough of me to let me know personal things about them.

My Valentine’s present to myself arrived the other day, a pair of grey boots.  I love the boots.  I love the style, over the knee.  They are so comfortable too.  There’s no heel to them, so they won’t make my feet hurt if I have to stand up or walk a decent amount.  And they’ll go with just about anything, especially casual dresses and skirts.  Skinny jeans too, once I’m slim enough to wear those again.  And the color, as opposed to black, will go with most everything color-wise, without being overbearing in any way.

Something else I’d like to focus on is looking my best at all times.  That means maybe wearing makeup everyday and flatironing my hair everyday so that it lies just right.  That means buying clothes that flatter my figure and not disguise it or do insult to it.  I want to take pride in how I look and not worry about looking bad or frumpy.  I want to be considered pretty, or at least good to look at.

I’m not unattractive, but I feel that way a lot lately.  I’m overweight, so that doesn’t help in the slightest.  But I’ve started getting my nails done on a regular basis.  I bought a pretty watch.  I’ve been paying attention to how my body looks in the mirror ever since I saw a picture of myself from my birthday party when I realized just how fat I had actually become.  I was horrified when I saw that picture.

It’s getting close to me having to buy a size smaller jeans.  I’m excited about that.  My size 16’s are getting a little baggy on me.  I tightened up my belt one more notch the other day too.  So I know I’m making progress.  I weigh myself today.  So we shall see how much I have or haven’t lost this past week when I step on the scale after work today.  I’ve already gone down a shirt size, from 2XL to just regular XL.  My end goal shirt size is medium.  My goal pants size is a 10/11.  If I can make it down to an 8/9 that would be great, but I’ll be happy with 10/11.

When I’ve reached my goal weight of 170, I will by myself a new belt.  That’ll be the final stroke.  The new belt will be my certificate of achievement. 

I have a pair of jeans that I used to wear all the time when I was smaller and can no longer fit in.  Once I can fit in those jeans again and have a little room in them, I will know I have reached my goal. 

Of course, I will continue eating simply and healthy and if I can lose an extra 20 pounds and make it down to 150, that will be great.  I’m not going to actively try for that extra bit of loss, but if it happens, then great!  I will also continue Weight Watchers for a little bit after I’ve finished losing the weight I want to lose.  Once I’m comfortable that I can maintain my weight loss, I’ll terminate my Weight Watchers membership and go to using 

Everything I want to do is all about taking the best care of myself that I can.  I want to look good and feel good in every way possible.  I want to be meticulous.  I want to wake up 30 minutes earlier so that I can put makeup on every day and straighten my hair.  I want to iron my uniform and make it look sharp and professional.  I don’t want to look like a wrinkled slob with pimples.  Like I said before, I want to be pretty.

Part of my plan is to get a new gym membership at a better gym.  I currently have a membership at Planet Fitness, but they don’t offer any classes.  I want a gym with classes and also with a true 24-hour schedule.  So, my choice is 24-hour Fitness.  They have a real 24-hour schedule and they offer classes and there are 2 locations right near my apartment.  I want to take spinning classes, kickboxing classes and pilates classes.  If they have a kettle bell class, I’d like to take that as well.  I just want to have fun with my gym membership really.

I have plans to see my friend Jessica in Wisconsin this year.  I’m really hoping that I’ll still be able to do that.  The first option is driving up to her place, the original plan for that falling in July.  The back up plan, the one that will probably more than likely happen between the two, is meeting up with her in Las Vegas in November.  I really think we’d have more fun if we were to meet up in Vegas.  Although I’m sure her kids are great, I’d really rather have a girls vacation where we can have fun and show off our new slimmer bodies together.  So, I’m shooting for that one.  Which means as soon as I pay off the mechanic, I need to start putting money aside for Vegas.

I haven’t seen Jessica in over 15 years, yet her and I have remained close friends.  We even went for many years without talking at all.  I’m not entirely sure how we reconnected.  I think she called my mom or sent a letter to my parents’ house for me.  That seems to make the most sense because that was before MySpace and definitely before Facebook.  I didn’t even have my own computer at that time.

When I talked to her on the phone for the first time in about 15 years 2 years ago, her accent caught me completely off guard.  It was so thick.  I remember I was having bicycle troubles.  I had gotten a flat and I didn’t have any money.  Between her and my friend Louis, a credit card was called in over the phone and a new tube was purchased for me and I was saved.

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