Sunday, April 10, 2011

Richard Hammond

So, I have decided that I want to get a house rabbit.  Yes, that’s right, a rabbit.  Sure, I failed at being anything above average dog mama, but I think I’d be an excellent bunny mama.  Why?  Well, because bunnies are kind of like cats.  No, hear me out on this.  Bunnies are like cats because they’re quiet and are fully capable of doing their own thing.  Bunnies are like cats because they do need interaction and grooming.  Bunnies get hairballs, just like cats…except they’re not able to vomit them up.  Bunnies are like cats because they can be litter box trained.  So, you see, a good kitty mama can be a good bunny mama.

I won’t be getting said bunny immediately.  I need to pay off a certain payday loan before I can get the cage and all the accessories and the bunny.  At the end of this month, I’ll be able to buy a good sized cage, 2 litter boxes (1 for in the cage and 1 for in the kitchen), some bedding, some organic bunny food, and some grass hay.  Why do I need a bunny litter box for the kitchen?  Because the bunny will have play time in the kitchen when I’m not holding it in my lap and petting or grooming it.  There is nothing for the bunny to chew on and potentially harm itself with in the kitchen.  I’ll simply get a wide board from Home Depot to block off the kitchen so that bunny can’t escape and find wires to eat.

In addition to having the bunny outside of his/her cage as much as possible when I’m home, I will take bunny outside for romps in the grass 2 or 3 times a week.  My friend Denise has said that she wants to buy my bunny a few presents, a harness and some chew toys.  The harness will allow me to safely walk the bunny outside without hurting it, as it has fragile bones.  I want to make sure that bunny is kept well stocked on chew toys.

The cage I have found and want to buy for the bunny is about 3 feet wide by 20 inches tall and deep.  It’s a good sized cage and allows bunny lots of space to hop around a little and stretch out like bunnies like to do.

I have thoroughly researched how to best feed a rabbit.  What veggies are best.  What veggies are bad.  How much and what kinds of fruit.  Grass hay (like Timothy) should be available at all times, 24 hours a day.  I think my bunny will be well taken care of and even spoiled.

I plan to go to a local shelter first to meet bunnies.  I’ve been on their website and have seen a few that I am at least visually interested in meeting and checking out their personalities.  If local bunnies don’t pan out for me for whatever reason, there is a shelter up in Lewisville, Texas, just north of Dallas, which has a few bunnies that I like.  One especially, called Mitzi. 

While I had the names Amalie and Olyvia picked out for a girl bunny, if I get Mitzi, I will keep her name as is.  I really like it.  The name I have picked out for a boy bunny is Richard Hammond.  Strange name for a pet, you say?  Yes, I know.  But you know how some people like to fully name their pets after celebrities?  Well, this is one of those cases.  I have dubbed Richard Hammond my “celebrity boyfriend.”  He is a British celebrity and hosts a car program called Top Gear that I absolutely love to watch.  So, I have decided to be that kooky person that names their pet after a celebrity.  I’d call him “Hammy” for short.  I’ve never been so much a fan of a celebrity as I am of him…and I have no idea why, it just happened.  Too bad he’s completely happily married AND all the way in England AND completely unapproachable because he’s a celebrity.  But having a pretend “celebrity boyfriend” takes my mind off not having a real life boyfriend and keeps me from wanting to end my perfectly happy singleness by getting involved with yet another man in yet another relationship that is destined to go south.  Having a “celebrity boyfriend” is safe, I can’t be hurt by it like I’m hurt by real relationships.

Speaking of my perfectly happy singleness…I am perfectly happy.  I’m not lonely at all.  Sure, I wish I had more of a social life, but I’m not lonely.  I have the distinct feeling that this is going to be the best year I’ve had for a while and pretty much solely because I’m single and I CHOOSE to be that way and remain that way.  I want this.  I want to be me and me alone, unfettered by a man and undefined by a man.  My last few relationships have been disasters, complete failures.  And not for lack of trying on my part.  I don’t mean that say that I was trying to fail…no, I was trying my damnedest to make the relationships work.  Okay, so one of them I didn’t really try and then he broke up with me in an email.  Hey, at least it wasn’t a post-it note.  But, it turned out he was a total cokehead and somehow I never figured it out.  His former roommate told me.

The last time I was truly happy was when I was single for around 2 years.  This was about 4 years or so ago.  Before that, I hadn’t been really happy with my life was almost 8 years before that, when I was 20-21 years old…young, stupid, naïve, and innocent in the ways of the world.  I didn’t know enough about life yet for it to get me down or even to let it keep me down for long.  I bounced back from failed relationships like they were nothing back then.  I was so nonchalant in my relationships too…until Vance came along.  I loved Vance the same way I loved Jon-Pierre…fully, completely, passionate, obsessively.  Everything I did, I did to please him.  I have no idea why I was like that with him.  He wasn’t really anything special.  Nothing about him was exceptional…except his ability to lie.  He cheated on me with no less than 9 different women in the 13 months we were together.  That relationship with him ruined me on relationships. 

I had a great guy around 10 years ago.  Scott.  He was British and wore no underwear.  He was a professional photographer and he rode a Triumph chopper motorcycle.  Not the fancy choppers you see on television today.  It was a true, original chopper, meaning that it had parts from all sorts of different bikes…all chopped up and then pieced together to work perfectly.  He was the first man I’d dated with a motorcycle.  He was thrilling.  He was foreign.  He could cook!  And he had the best trained dog I’ve ever met.  She would poop on command!  How cool is that?  It was also hilarious because the dog was jealous of me when we were lying in bed together.  But, although I had a great thing going with him, I threw it all away because he was supposed to be going out of country for a year to backpack around South America on his motorcycle and I didn’t think he’d want to be tied down to a relationship back in the States while he was there.  So, I threw it away for a man that was 15 years older than me.  He would never get over our age difference, either.  He was always bringing it up and worrying over it and coming up with “what if” scenarios.  I kept telling him that we would worry about it when the time came, but he would never drop it…just kept on and on about it.

That was also a time in my life when I took my body completely for granted.  I had a great body back then.  And I didn’t even have to work at it.  I had never had a gym membership.  I wasn’t a runner.  I didn’t go for long walks or bicycle rides.  I didn’t do hours of sit-ups.  I just had a great body. 

Got an absolutely amazing compliment today.  Of course, it came secondhand, but I don’t care.  One of the guys at work said to another lady I work with “She’s looking good, has she lost weight? Make me want to take that kitty home!”  That made me feel great because I’ve been fairly frustrated because for 2 weeks in a row I weighed exactly the same (down to the 10th of a pound even) and then last week, I had actually gained half a pound.  So, him saying I’m looking like I’ve lost weight means that I’ve been building up muscle tone at the same rate as I’m losing fat.  Which makes sense because my work uniform does seem to not be as tight as it was 3 weeks ago.

I should put a note in here what the “kitty” reference is about…I “meow” frequently.  Yes, like a cat.  I’m a little crazy if you didn’t already know…but it’s all in good fun.

I’ve been working really hard, every day, to keep myself motivated and positive about my exercising and becoming fit and healthy.  And that’s really the main goal I have.  The weight loss is actually just a large side effect of becoming fit and healthy.  Maybe that’s a funny way to look at it, but I think it’s kind of a more reasonable way to approach it.  I mean if your main goal is to just get fit and be healthy, then you’re not obsessing about every last little calorie or fighting yourself to keep from stepping on the scale every 5 minutes to see if your weight has changed.  If losing weight just “happens” to happen as a result of eating better foods in more appropriate quantities and exercising moderately on a daily basis, then isn’t that a great thing?

It’s still nice to know that all my efforts haven’t been for nothing.  It’s nice to know that I’m not just wasting my time on exercise when there are better things to do, or whatever.  I like that I’m not as tired anymore.  I like that I wake up at 5:30 in the morning on my days off.  However, I don’t STAY awake, but instead go back to sleep for another couple hours.  But, it’s still nice to know that I don’t feel the need to sleep and sleep and sleep for 10 or 11 hours a day.  It’s nice to have energy and feel energized and exuberant.  It’s nice to get the feeling of just wanting to dance around like an idiot for no real reason other than I feel like doing it.

I like that I’m getting back into bellydancing as well.  I absolutely love to bellydance.  Sure, I’m not all that good at it, but it’s still a lot of fun regardless of my skill level.  It is definitely something that I want to get good at, maybe even join some kind of group that gets together and bellydances for fun, or maybe does performances.  I think that would be a lot of fun and is definitely something to look forward to doing.

I’ve been eating fairly well lately.  Since having my first nutritional consult at the Natural Health Center, I changed a few things that I ate.  For instance, I gave up my regular bowl of cereal with milk for 2 eggs scramble with vegetables and either some bacon or sausage.  Also, they suggested I keep my daily carb intake at or below 60 grams.  As a result, I had to do away with 1 of the 2 tv dinners I was eating a day and trade that in for fresh cooked meat and a heaping pile of vegetables.  On top of all that, I take the herbs that they mix up for me and it all seems to keep me pretty regular and balanced.

Speaking of, I’m starting to feel more balanced.  Between eating better, working out every day, getting acupuncture and taking the Chinese herbs, I’m pretty balanced and focused.  So focused indeed that the other day I was contemplating skipping my workout for the day but realized it just felt wrong for me to do that.  It didn’t feel right to not do a workout and so I did one and felt much better afterward, even if the elliptical machine at my apartment complex that I used is completely ghetto and broke down and makes way too much noise.

Tomorrow is “treadmill day.”  I am dreading and yet looking forward to this all at the same time.  I’m dreading it just because it’s still such a chore for me to complete.  I’m looking forward to it because I know I will feel great afterward.  I will feel accomplished when I know that I was able to jog half the mile that I do when I get on the treadmill.  Yea, okay, so it’s not a half mile all in one lump, but it’s still a half mile total and that’s what counts right now.  And, eventually, I *will* be able to do that half mile all in one lump and that will be an awesome moment for me.

The next time I go to Wal-mart, I need to remember to look in the exercise section for a new ab roller since the one I have right now is broken.  If I can get a new one of those and use it daily, that’ll help a lot.

I think I just hit celebrity crush pay dirt.  I found a fan site devoted to Richard Hammond.  While I don’t think I’ll participate in the forum postings, even though I may read them, I think I will peruse the photo gallery and snag a few for me.  I’ve never even been remotely gaga over a celebrity in my life.  Even as a teenager.  I mean, sure I had my little fantasies about being Joey McIntyre’s girlfriend, but I knew it wasn’t possible, so I didn’t really dwell on it too much.  For the most part, my opinion of celebrities is that they’re just people with lots of money, most with some kind of talent, but just people nonetheless.  My little gaganess over Richard Hammond is something new to me.  It seems to resemble how I feel when I love someone, but I know if it felt any more like being in love that it would resemble a mental disorder. 

I think if I just keep it the way it is, that it will be a healthy distraction from the fact that I’m single.  But, like I said before, it’s not that being single is a problem for me.  I think it’s the best choice for me right now.  It’s the only way for me to be happy with how my life is at the moment.  But, I may get lonely down the road and be tempted to jeopardize what I’ve got going for myself in being single and uncomplicated.  By nurturing my celebrity crush on Richard Hammond, I can stave off the loneliness and just pretend I’m in a long distance relationship.  That should get a laugh out of a good amount of my friends.  And maybe others will feel sorry for me too, but that’s okay.

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