Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Scale

I can be a very bitter person at times.  Bitter and cynical.  I can always find the worst in something, even if I have to make it up…kind of like those infomercials.  You know the ones.  The ones where they make the normal way of doing something look like such a colossal pain in the ass to do?  Yea, those are the ones.  That’s what I do, except I find the absolutely worst thing about something and rant and rave about it like it’s the end of the world.  On the other hand, however, I can always find the absolutely silverest silver lining in a craptastic situation.  Imagine that.  It all depends on my mood.  That’s the deciding factor in whether I’m bitter and cynical and a chronic complainer or if everything is hunky dory and couldn’t possibly be funnier.

This week, I found myself starting everything off with being bitter and cynical.  It all started with my daily exercise for Sunday.  I decided that I would do my “2-hour walk” (which takes me about 1 hour and 50 minutes to do…it took 2 hours when I still had the dog with her short little legs causing me to walk slower).  Part way through it, I looked at my shadow.  Everyone knows that your shadow is not an accurately proportioned silhouette of yourself.  It doesn’t matter that I know this.  It doesn’t matter that I’m aware of just how silly it is to look at my shadow and decide that it is an accurate depiction of my body and get upset over it.  It doesn’t matter because I did get upset over it.  I started feeling all fat and gross and I even almost cried at one point! 

Then, I woke up this morning and found myself on the absolute wrong side of the bed.  I was just irritable from the get go.  I think it was leftover dissatisfaction about how my body appeared to look in my shadow from yesterday.  To compound matters further, I stepped on the scale because it’s Monday, my weigh in day per Weight Watchers.  I stepped back off that scale as fast as I could because of what it said.  I’d gained back over 2 of the pounds that I had lost last week!  To make matters even worse, I had stepped on the scale on Friday because I was “feeling good” and saw that I had lost about 1.3 pounds since Monday last week.  So, not only did I gain back the 2-ish pounds, but I regained the 1-ish pounds I had actually lost.  How crushing is that?  As far as I’m concerned right now, nothing could be worse.

I’ve run the gambit over the last 24 hours.  I have felt close to giving in and giving up.  I mean, really, what is the point of all these daily workouts if I’m not going to lose any weight?  Seriously.  Why should I bother stressing and making sure I do some form of cardio exercise each and every day if it’s not going to result in the positive changes that I am striving for?  It’s been almost 5 weeks now that I’ve struggled to lose weight.  I finally do and then it’s immediately taken away from me.  I am beyond frustrated.  The only solution I can come up with is to step on the scale only once every 2 weeks instead of once every week.  That will hopefully get my fixation on what the scale says to lessen a bit, so I can just focus on working out and eating right, which should be where the majority of my attention is focused anyway.  I’m just having such an issue getting past what the scale says.

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