I was talking with a co-worker the other day about my frustration over being completely unmotivated and uninspired to do what needs to be done to lose weight. I told him about how I had gone to the gym and worked out every single day off from work (3-4 days a week) for 1.5 hours a day and nothing happened…nothing changed. I wasn’t sore, I wasn’t challenged, and I in fact kind of dreaded the workouts. I wanted to do personal training, but I didn’t have the money to do it. He mentioned that he had gotten his wife involved in CrossFit. He said that his wife hated him for the first couple weeks because she was sore all the time and the workouts were hard, but after she got used to it, she absolutely loved it and always looked forward to her workouts.
So, I’ve looked into CrossFit. A twice a week monthly membership with a flexible schedule will cost me $140. This place also gives you the first 5 workouts for free, so that’s 2½ weeks free basically. So, I’m thinking after I return from my trip to Dallas at the end of next week that I will give this CrossFit gym a call and get hooked up with their promo offer and decide if this is something I can do and something that I can stick with, because I know I can afford the $140 a month, so long as I actually go to the workouts and don’t waste my money.
While I was cleaning out part of my storage unit yesterday, I found a picture of myself from high school…from the night of the Homecoming dance my junior year. I looked sooooo good! I was tiny compared to how I am now. Made me even more disgusted with how I look, with how far I’ve let myself go over the last 2 years. Hell, I was looking through pictures that were taken 2 years ago and WOW I love the way I looked then. If I can get back to that look, to that body, I will be so happy. The only way I can see to make that a reality is to do something drastic and, since I can’t afford lypo and a tummy tuck, CrossFit seems to fit the bill just right. It’s challenging, it’s done in a group setting so you have plenty of support and motivators cheering each other on.
Not only would I get in shape, lose weight, build muscle, and sculpt my body doing CrossFit, but I would also be making new friends. My other biggest complaint besides being unhappy with my body is that I don’t have very many friends and that I spend too much time lying around the house.
I want to build my self-esteem back up. I want to be happy in my own skin again. Lately, I have toyed with trying to get myself to be happy with how I am now…with being content at 200 pounds and a size 15. I’ve decided that that is unacceptable to me. I’ve decided that I want to do the best for myself. I’ve decided that I want to regain my sense of self and get a sense of accomplishment as well.
I want to do a workout that I find enjoyable. I know that I loved Krav Maga when I did it years ago. So, if I don’t like the CrossFit and decide not to do it, then I want to do Krav Maga again. I still have my practice gloves and my wrist wraps. I’d have to buy new boxing gloves because I think I got rid of the pair I had before since I can’t find them now. I’d buy a pair of pink ones.
I just want to reclaim my life. I want to reclaim the ability to wear whatever I want to wear and to look good in it at the same time. I have held onto a pair of jeans that I fit in at the beginning of last year. They’re a size 11. The inner thighs are worn completely through, so it’s not like I could ever really wear them again, but I can measure when I have reached my goal by whether or not I’m able to fit into them again or not. I will have to lose 2 pants sizes…from a 15 to an 11. That would be a loss of about 20-25 pounds, which would put me at about 175 pounds. It won’t put me back at what I was in that picture from Homecoming night, but it will get me back to where I was at this time 2 years ago. And that is my goal. That is where I have decided I will be happy.