The adage “eat to live, don’t live to eat” means a lot to me right now. As I relearn how to eat for my health instead of to satisfy my out of proportion cravings, urges and compulsions, it really resonates within my soul. This weight loss journey is about so much more than the numbers on my scale. I am rediscovering myself along the way. I’m becoming a healthier version of myself. I will be a happier version of myself as well.
I am learning what I am capable of as I go along. Things that I didn’t think I could do, like stick to a certain way of eating for more than 12 days straight before reverting back to my previous horrible ways of eating, thus completely wrecking what I had accomplished in those 12 days. This time around, I’m just counting calories. I’ve been sticking to 1350 calories or less per day. There have been a couple days that I’ve gone over by about 100 calories. I can deal with that. I’m no longer eating around 3000 calories a day just for the sake of stuffing something into my mouth to fill the void within me.
Right now, I’ve been able to stick to my calorie limit for 19 days. That’s more than I thought was possible without some sort of slip up. Not only have there been no slip ups, but there have been no real cravings, urges or compulsions to speak of. I’m so proud of myself. I have no doubt that I will continue to amaze myself as I make my way in this journey of self discovery and self improvement.
I have also amazed myself in that I have been able to stick with exercising almost every day. I find this amazing because last summer, when I had my $50 a month gym membership and I went every day I was off from work (3-4 days a week as I work 12 hour shifts) for about an hour and a half each day. I absolutely dreaded going to the gym. I had no motivation. In the four or five months I had the gym membership, I think I only managed to lose 10 pounds. And I saw absolutely no visible changes in how my body appeared. My dread in going eventually took its toll on me and I stopped going and canceled my membership.
I have found that I feel guilty if I don’t work out…like a slacker. I guess what it is that drives this feeling of guilt is that I’m afraid what happened last summer will happen again and that I will lose focus and motivation and start coming up with excuses to not work out. I don’t think that would happen because I completely enjoy my workouts. But there is a part of me that is afraid that it could happen.
I managed to hold onto muscle soreness for the first two weeks of working out. Now my body seems to have gotten used to working all the different muscles and muscle groups so I’m not getting sore anymore. That’s fine. But it’s not going to keep me from pushing myself. I’m already noticing that I’m able to keep up better with the workout videos that I wasn’t able to fully keep up with the first one or two times I did them. Now I’m almost completing all the circuits without having to stop and rest because the muscle burn is too much and I need to rest the muscle for a couple seconds.
I love working out. I look forward to working out. On the days that I work, I work out when I get home in the evening. I think about my evening workout all day while I sit at work. On my days off, while I watch tv, if I get bored with whatever I’m watching or it just doesn’t interest me, I workout instead of watching what’s on tv. I love it. It’s a great distraction and a great way to pass the time. Plus, it’s a healthy habit to get into. And that’s something I can definitely take more of: healthy habits.