Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I Can

This week on Biggest Loser the excuse of the week is “I can’t do it on my own.”  I’m at that point where, even though I’ve registered a 16 pound loss in 5 weeks, I’m starting to think that my body isn’t changing even though it most certainly is.  I have to keep reminding myself that in those 5 weeks I lost 2.5 inches off my waist alone and that’s incredible in and of itself! 

I find myself trying to discourage myself and the little nagging thoughts that want me to believe that I really can’t do this on my own, that there is no way I’m going to get the results I want to get by just counting calories and rotating through 10 different workout DVDs.  Luckily, before I can seriously listen to this little internal critic, I shut it down.  I shut it down because I have proof.  I have the proof that I am losing weight and I am losing inches and I am making progress and I am succeeding.

My little inner critic looked at the progress pictures I took on Sunday when I put them side by side against my start pictures.  Visually, there’s not a whole lot of difference.  I still fluff out over the top of my leggings.  My hips are still lumpy.  My boobs are still floppy.  It would be extremely easy to let myself get down and discouraged.  But I can’t do that.  I have to prosper.  I have to push through.  I have to keep on trucking and finish this drive toward my ultimate goal.

My little inner critic makes me want to push harder.  I just borrowed the P90X workout program from a friend.  I plan to burn copies of all the discs for my own use.  I want to do the entire program.  I’m going to need a pull up bar.  I like this because I’ve been wanting to work on doing pull-ups and getting to where I *can* do pull-ups.  Just doing one pull-up will be a great success for me.

I can’t let my little inner critic control me.  I can’t let it sabotage me and my progress that I’ve made so far.  I can’t quit before I’ve barely started on this journey.  My goal is to lose 39 pounds, but really, I want to lose as much as I possibly can.  If I can continue to lose after I’ve reached the 39 pound mark, then great!  I’m gonna keep going as long and as far as I can on this journey.

I won’t let my little inner critic decide what I will and will not do.  It’s starting to work its way into my eating as well.  It’s telling me that I ate twice my allotted daily calories on Saturday and still managed to pull an almost 3 pound loss for the week when I weighed in on Sunday.  It’s telling me that what’s an extra 100 or 200 calories to my daily total.  It’s telling me what difference will it make.  I *know* what difference it will make and I have to resist the temptation that the little inner critic is dangling in front of me, taunting me to slip up and fall off the wagon.  I won’t do it.  I won’t let that happen.

I’m on the fence about getting another gym membership.  Right now, I know it’s not the right thing for me to do.  I am doing so well with my DVD rotation and workout games that I don’t *need* the gym right now.  I do need to get some 8 lb hand weights as the 5 lb ones are getting a little light.  But for the most part, I’m getting a good amount of strength training thanks to my DVDs.  When my friend Jessica comes to visit me in May and we get 7-day passes to a gym so we can both workout while she’s here, at that point I think is when I’ll decide if getting another gym membership is the right move for me. 

I know a gym membership will do me good no matter what, but it’s just not the right fit for my needs at the moment.  I want to make sure that when I do get another gym membership that I actually use it and enjoy it. See, the last time I had a gym membership, I used it but I did *not* enjoy it.  I dreaded it every day.  I had to force myself to the gym every day.  Right now, I’m happier doing between 25 minutes and an hour and a half of a workout DVD.  I feel great and energized after working out.  I feel more positive than I have in YEARS.  I feel like I can do this, like I can succeed, like I’m not the failure I’ve been telling myself that I am all these years.  I can start something and I can finish it.

So, I’m taking this week’s excuse of “I can’t do it on my own” and turning it into “I can do this.”

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