Something I’ve had a problem grasping is the whole viewing food as fuel and fuel only concept. It’s such a convention to try and break up. I mean, you’re whole life you are trained and prodded to believe that food is a reward that you get when you excel at something or when you do something right or to celebrate something happy and joyful like a birthday or an anniversary or a promotion. I guess I’m afraid to let go of food as a good time activity. Food shouldn’t be an activity or an event, I know that, but it’s still a difficult thing to really and truly comprehend on any level. It’s so hard to turn your world upside down and expect yourself to just pick it all up and start trucking right along like nothing happened…like you did just do a complete 180 on how you’re viewing food in general…like you’re not trying to completely reprogram a portion of your brain to function in the complete opposite of how it’s functioned for over 30 years. It’s not something that can be done overnight and, I suppose, I really should expect sudden change and complete compliance right away from myself. However, I do. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to myself. I also have no patience when it comes to myself. I figure if I figured it out and got it all planned out that I should be able to conform immediately and follow through without set back. The reality of that is that that is a completely ridiculous expectation of anyone.
This is going to involve some retraining on my part. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to do it…how I’m going to reprogram my brain to view food as fuel for my body and NOT as a reward for achievements and good deeds. I haven’t the foggiest how I’m going to stop seeing food as comfort when I’m stressed or hurt, or as something to do when I’m bored. I don’t have the first clue how I’m going to do it, but I swear I’m going to give it all I’ve got. I guess I have to just start with telling myself “no” when I get my urges to eat for no reason other than to eat. If I can tell myself “no” in those situations and am successful, then I can do anything…seriously.