Thursday, March 15, 2012

Self Control

I’m really struggling when it comes to emotional binge eating.  I keep writing about this because this continues to be a problem that I have to face every day.  Even in the smallest way, I’m frequently having the urges to binge.  Thankfully, for the majority of the day, when I’m at work, I’m far, far away from any food that isn’t rationed out for me to eat at specific times during the day.  I’m forced to control myself when I’m at work.  But in the evenings after work and on my days off, it’s more difficult for me to control myself.  That’s why I’m really excited to put this going for a walk theory into practice when I get the urges while home.  I can control the urges while I’m out and about because I am NOT buying junk food.  I’m not stopping off to get fried chicken or a hamburger…not unless it’s been planned out ahead of time.  Like when I went out for Tex-Mex with some friends on Monday and had a taco salad and chips and salsa.  I don’t like to eat out too often because even when I plan the calories well, it can still have an adverse affect on me because there’s too much fat or too much sodium or whatever in the food. 

I’m hoping that within the next month, I can get at least a loose grip on my urges to binge.  If I can’t, then I’m going to seek outside help in the form of therapy.  It’s not that I don’t want to go to therapy; I really don’t mind it at all.  It’s just that if I can manage to get a handle on it without help, then that’s the cheaper route as that doesn’t have insurance co-pays or gas usage.  If I do decide to go for therapy, I will research my therapist as well as I can, looking for one that has experience in eating disorders.  This urge to binge isn’t really serious, but it is an eating disorder.  When I get the urge, I cannot control myself.  I simply cannot stop myself from shoveling food into my mouth, no matter how hard I will myself to stop.  It just doesn’t work.  It won’t be dissuaded.

I know that if I can’t get at least some control over these binge urges that any weight loss I do achieve will be short lived.  I will end up gaining the weight back no matter how diligent I am with myself.  I will binge here and binge there until the pounds creep back up.  No amount of exercising will help stave it off either.  My binge monster is a very conniving beast.  He will get his way in the end if I can’t rein him in. 

Being assertive isn’t necessarily my strong suit in life.  I can be aggressive, but not really assertive.  Assertive requires some amount of tact and tactic.  Point in case, this morning, I was presented with donuts.  I ate 3.  I started to give myself a little guilt trip about it, but then I stopped myself and told myself that “sure, it was 3 donuts, but they’re not going to derail me.  I will eat right the rest of the day, like I’ve planned out.  And I will eat right the next 2 days, also like I’ve planned out.”  Sunday is a different story because I’ll be going to a festival and won’t have access to my healthy foods for most of the day.  But this is planned, so it’s okay.

The key is, when I am unable to control myself or find that I say “yes” instead of “no” to something, I have to not let myself beat myself up.  I have to realize that this one little slip is not going to mess up my whole week.  I have to realize that as long as I eat right and healthy the majority of the time that is what actually matters in the long run.

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