Tuesday, April 17, 2012


“I lack motivation.”  Wow.  What an excuse to deal with this week on Biggest Loser.  I have to say that this is probably my biggest excuse that I struggle with DAILY.  Motivation to eat the healthiest choices and stick with my calorie limit each and every day.  Motivation to do my workouts every day without fail.  Motivation to NOT skip a workout simply because “I’m not feeling it” that day.  That’s a BS thing to allow myself to do…to allow myself to just give up, even if it’s just for a day or two days.  That’s a day or two days that I missed out on working out.  That’s a day or two that I missed out on getting sweaty (which I actually love to do…believe it or not), on burning calories, on inching my way towards weight lost for the week.

Since the second week of March, I’ve had a serious problem with my motivation.  I’ve tried and I’ve tried to get myself back into gear each and every week, only to fail myself each and every week.  I’ve got to get serious about this.  My health is VERY important to me.  How I look when I see myself in the mirror really matters to me. 

Something that does help, even if only a little bit, is the training classes I can take at my gym.  They’re free, which is awesome.  Taking these classes helps me add strength training to my daily workouts.  Something else that will help me is one of the girls at work has a personal trainer that works out of his own studio and has excellent rates.  12 sessions for only $180!!!  Wow!  She’s supposed to get me a business card.  After I make the switch to the night shift next month, I’d like to set up sessions with him.

Something I have to remember and that will also work to motivate me is remembering how miserable I was at 240 pounds.  How uncomfortable I was in my own body.  How frustrated I was that anything I wore didn’t look good on me.  All it did was cover up the lumps.  And that doesn’t help anything.  I was extremely unhealthy.  I constantly had acid reflux, which was eating away at the lining of my esophagus.  I’ve got to remind myself where I started in all of this.  I’ve got to remember why I’m doing this, why it’s worth it. 

I know I can do this.  I know I can apply myself to do what needs to be done to get the results I want to achieve.  All I have to do is find my motivation.  All I have to do is remember my motivation.  . 

Maybe part of the problem is that my planned reward for next month, a trip to the spa, has been canceled…not because I have failed at meeting my monthly goals, but because my finances are not what I thought they would be at this time.  It sucks.

I watch the Biggest Loser every week religiously.  Each week I watch the contestants take on their excuses and power through them like those excuses are nothing.  This is inspiring to me, but apparently not enough.  I see the transformations that the contestants have gone through and it’s just plain amazing.  Kim is the contestant that I’m rooting for.  She’s the one that I most identify with.  Sure, I wasn’t a professional anything as far as sports go, but I did make a valiant attempt at bodybuilding.  She has an absolutely amazing spirit.  Her example is one I want to follow.  Just, for some reason, I don’t feel that I’m worthy of it.  My feelings of self-worth are at the forefront of my problems…or, should I say, LACK of self-worth.

I truly do look forward to reaching my goal weight of 160.  But, that weight is about 30 pounds away from where I am right now and that’s a little overwhelming.  But then I remind myself that I’ve already lost 50 pounds since this time last year.  And that’s a great accomplishment in and of itself.  I should be proud of myself for losing those 50 pounds.  I guess maybe it’s just a little daunting when I think of the fact that when I do reach my goal weight (yes, I said WHEN, not IF) I will have lost EIGHTY pounds.  Holy crap!  EIGHTY freaking pounds!  How amazing will that feel when I’ve reached that mark?  It will feel like the best feeling in the world…and that’s something I need to keep in mind…something that should be beyond motivating to me.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry about yours and my finances. It really does suck. I need a windfall, and can't find where it's blowing. I am proud of you though, as while March was poor for both of us, April is "springing" into step, and things are getting better for the both of us.


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