Monday, June 4, 2012

I Thought Wrong

I lost a friend.  She didn’t die or slip into a coma.  She just decided she didn’t like me anymore.  We’d been friends since we were in 2nd grade.  She was one of my best friends in my whole life.  But today, she told me that when she visited me last month that she didn’t have any fun while she was here and that she was actually bored the whole time.  Then she told me that I never thanked her for the gas money she gave me while she was here.  I distinctly remember thanking her for it.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Then she said I didn’t thank her for a gift she gave me.  I may not have said the words “thank you” but I’m pretty sure I told her something like “you’re awesome” in response to the gift.

Then she dropped the real bombshell on me.  She said she didn’t like the person I had become.  She said I was a user and that I just use people.  I don’t agree with this and neither does anyone I know, including one of the people she says I use.  Just because someone is nice to me and likes doing things for me like working on my car without payment does not mean I’m using them.  Sure, this person may annoy me at times, but he’s a really nice person and we have fun when we hang out.  It’s not just about him working on my car.  It’s also not about him paying for dinner all the time, because I buy him dinner too.  She also said something about my bicycle that I got for only $60.  I was supposed to pay 10 payments of $60 to a guy friend of mine (this is about 13 years ago).  It was a $1000 bike, but he’d had it for a while.  After I made the first payment to him, I rebuffed his advances to ask me out and told him I just wanted to be friends, to which he stopped talking to me so I wasn’t able to finish paying him. 

I’m not going to lie, I was shocked and extremely hurt by her telling me so no longer wanted to be my friend.  I cried for a good while.  I will call my therapist tomorrow and talk to her about it.  I felt inconsolable earlier when I read the message.  Then I talked about it with my grandma and with a couple people from work.  Everyone seems to think that there is a little envy that I’m free to do as I please whenever I please because I’m not tied down (that’s NOT to imply that she doesn’t love her family because she does) and that I have people that do nice things for me and don’t ask for anything in return from me.

I’m just so very sad that it came to this and that she felt I was a horrible person that she could no longer associate with.  I thought that she was one of my best and greatest friends.  I thought we had an amazing bond.  I thought wrong.

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