Saturday, June 2, 2012

Moving Forward

I’ve been blogging on here for a year and a half.  Before that, I journaled a minimum of 3 handwritten pages a day for about 5 months.  I’ve started to turn a new page in my life recently with the seeing of a therapist and with accepting that I am stuck in Texas for the next 16 years (until I earn full retirement at my job).  I think between these 2 things I can really start to move forward with my life.  I’ve essentially been in a holding pattern since the break-up with JP almost 2 years ago.  I put my life on hold and just stopped doing anything.  I shut down and quit experiencing life…I quit participating in my own life…I just existed.

Now is the time for me to take that first step forward into my future.  I’ve started using to look for things to do that will get me out of the house occasionally and mingling with other people.  I also updated my profile on the dating site that I use in the hopes that I’ll get a response or two at some point.  One of the guys at work (I mentioned this the other day) proposed finding a guy for me and I didn’t turn his offer down…in fact, I kind of welcomed it.

I’ve kind of gotten away from writing here over the past few months and I want to change that.  I want to write at least once a week, but preferably more often.  Writing to me is an outlet.  It’s therapeutic.  I know Dr. H would agree with that statement and would encourage me to write as often as I can.

So, I’ve joined a couple groups on  The groups I really wanted to be a member of have their monthly meet ups on days that I’m at work and wouldn’t be able to make it, so I didn’t join them.  But I did find one women’s spirituality group that meets every Friday evening, which works for me.  I also joined a kabbalah group but they don’t have a regular meet up.  I’m really hoping I can get out of the house a couple times a month and make some new friends and try some new things. 

Everything I’m doing in my life right now is preparing me to open my life up to living happily and healthfully.  I’m hoping that I can cure my insecurities, at least for the most part.  I know that if I can get rid of some of my insecurities that I can get control over my binge eating problem.  I know that if I keep myself busy, I don’t feel the urges to eat when I’m not hungry.  So…the key is to keep myself busy.  Easier said than done.  Once I’ve bought a house, that will be easier to do because there will be more that needs to be done (yard work, cleaning, etc) than what there is to do in a 3rd floor walk-up apartment.

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