Sunday, December 29, 2013


So…I weighed in this morning and wow.  I did not see what I was expecting at all.  Sure, my eating wasn’t stellar, but I think I did better than I had done in the weeks previous.  Also, I did exercise 4 times…and they were quality workouts…all of them.  However, despite my hard work, I GAINED a pound.  What the hell?  And don’t you even THINK about saying something along the lines of “oh maybe since you were working out you gained a pound of muscle.”  No.  Just no.  I need reality, not fantasy.  Fantasy with real life problems does no one any good.  It puts you in denial and, well folks, that’s how I got fat in the first place…and I refuse to go back down the route to being fat again.  I’ll do better this week because there won’t be any mass amounts of Christmas food at work to tempt me.  I’m just beyond frustrated right now.

Change of subject…….

Running really makes me emotional.  I have such a connection to it.  More than any connection to anything or anyone I’ve ever had before in my life.  Watching videos that other runners have made in regards to their running, or reading their blogs about their running, or following them on Instagram, it is just amazing to me.  I feel honored…like they have purposely included me…ME…into their lives and to share their experiences with me. 

I got on Jost Running’s website (they do virtual races year-round that you can register for and they give you printable and custom race bibs AND medals!!!  Go to to check them out) and started reading their blog today.  On this blog were a few videos that I took the time to watch.  Usually, I don’t watch videos on blogs, but something about these videos…I just felt compelled to watch them.  The first was a video about a guy named Bernd Heinrich.  Amazing man.  He wrote the book Why We Run…which I now plan to read.

So, this may get a little graphic…feel free to skip this paragraph.  So, as almost everyone that has been running regularly for any amount of time knows, running makes you poop.  Well, I did a lot of pooping today.  So, tomorrow, I’m going to weigh myself again to see if maybe I was just holding onto some extra “baggage” when I weighed in this morning.

Okay, so, a friend recently said that they thought I was feeling down about my weight and how I look.  Let me clarify something.  I do NOT, under any circumstances, EVER feel down about my weight or how I look.  Why?  Well, because it does no good.  What I DO feel is frustration.  Frustration can be productive.  It can spur you to make the necessary changes in your routines and habits to lead you toward the progress and ultimate success that you have your eye on.  “Feeling down” about something means that you see no hope for your situation.  I am far too happy of a person (partially due to medication, but also due to the fact that I am a very lucky and blessed person in life in general) to “feel down” about something as transient as a brief setback in my weight loss journey.  Sure, regaining 13 pounds in 4 months of the 33 pounds it took me an entire year to lose is very frustrating and a weaker person WOULD “feel down” about this.  But it’s only a setback, it has let me know what my limitations are.  Setbacks are temporary.  I have them.  Such is the nature of the beast known as clinical major depressive disorder that lives within. 

Saturday, December 28, 2013


Well, yesterday I got in my FOURTH workout this week.  Yes, you read that right.  I managed to make four whole workouts happen…for the first time in over a month, I believe.  I am extremely happy and proud of this accomplishment.  And I feel really good.  Even though my eating wasn’t close to stellar, I didn’t really super overeat except for on Christmas eve when my regular shift had their Christmas spread…and a little bit on Christmas day, but not as badly as the day before.  The rest of the week, even though here and there was cupcakes and cookies, it really wasn’t all that bad.  I ate mostly “on diet” for the day after Christmas and on this week, so that’s a bit of success there too.

Yesterday, I ran 3 miles.  It’s official…I’m slower than I used to be.  But, you know what?  That’s okay.  I’m running again and that’s what matters.  Also, I’ll get that little bit of “speed” (remember, I said that fast is a relative term when applied to my running pace) that I lost back eventually.  Something I need to do, since my half at the Austin Marathon is only 7 weeks away, is buy another marathon/half marathon training book.  Most half marathon training programs are 8 weeks…perfect!  I’ll just start on week 2…haha.  But, I figure following an actual training plan will do me good as far as making sure I’m ready for the half in February.

Something I’ve noticed on my runs this week is that I don’t really need water for a 3 mile run.  It’s really nice to have at the end of the run…but I don’t really need it during the run.  So, when I was running before and was drinking all that Gatorade…even for a 3 mile run…I think I was overdoing it.  I didn’t need all that.  And, when I ran RNR last month, I took 1 water bottle with me…my handheld…and no fuelbelt with extra water/Gatorade.  I knew there would be water and Gatorade stops along the way, so I knew I didn’t need to carry all the extras with me.  It worked out perfectly.  I finished up the last of the water in my handheld about a mile before the end.  And then they were handing out bottled water and bottled Gatorade immediately following the finish line.  And there were bagels and other yummy things too.  I was able to fully hydrate and such right after completing the race.

So, I’m hoping that the 5K I did last year in March is happening again this year.  Even though it’s a double loop of the same route, it was still a good run.  And it was for a good cause.  And I got to run with a lot of people I know from the Sheriff’s Office, so that made it more fun.  Plus, it’d be a good filler race between the half in February and the 10-mile Austin 10/20 in April.  I still need to get dates for the Capital 10K and Bun Run that should both happen in May.  I think the Capital 10K is the first Sunday and Bun Run the last Sunday.  But, the last Sunday in this May is Memorial Day weekend, so maybe not.  I kind of hope it’s not that weekend because I have another friend that will run the Bun Run with Mark and myself if it’s not that weekend.  Fingers crossed!

Back to yesterday’s run.  My phone did yet another thing to make me hate it more.  I was about a half mile into my run and my music stopped.  At first I was thinking that the song I was listening to had a long moment of dead air at the end, but then I didn’t think the song had been at the end of itself.  So, I pulled my phone out of my running belt to see if somehow it got paused.  Nothing.  Somehow the phone had turned itself OFF.  Seriously?  So then I spent the next 4 minutes or so getting the phone to turn back on…while running.  My shoulders cramped up later in the run as a result.  I finally got it turned back on and got my music going again.  But, this little issue just cemented the fact that I’m going to get a new phone.  And I’m not going to wait until mid-month to do it, anymore.  I’m going on Monday to get it.  I’ll have to order a new car mount too.  But that’s okay.  I’ll have them flash all my pictures to the new phone, so I won’t lose them.  Then, I’ll just spend a few hours redownloading all my apps onto the new phone.  I’m really hoping I can get the new phone to take screenshots since I have never been able to get this one to do it. 

I’m hoping to be able to afford the TV console I want when I get paid next week.  I need to wait until after I pay bills before I attempt to buy it.  Then, with the mid-month check, I’m hoping to buy that digital camera I want.  Then, after that, straight up saving for my Oregon trip in June.  I know, I had said I was going to go in May, but I have those 2 races that I’ll be doing in May, and I don’t want them to get in the way of my Oregon trip, so what’s an extra month?  It’ll give me another month to save up some more money before heading out. 

Not tomorrow, but the following Sunday, I’m going to be starting the Shred Diet over from the start.  I’m also going to make a point to do fresh fruit/veggie smoothies instead of doing the frozen fruit and yogurt smoothies like I’ve been doing.  I’m going to go back to the Reboot Your Life ( website and copy-paste their smoothie recipes.  I really liked those.  I’ll probably stick with the Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness pre-bottled veggie smoothie for when the Shred Diet daily food plan calls for a veggie smoothie. 

I’m looking forward to hitting the restart button and doing my best to “do everything right” again. 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Did I Actually Survive the Holidays?

Christmas eve and Christmas day were not stellar eating days for me.  They were, in fact, epic failures.  We did a spread at work on Christmas eve full of cookies, pie, fudge, tamales, chips & queso, carne guisada, and more!  I have to admit that I partook of quite a bit of what was offered.  Then, yesterday, on Christmas day, I had full intentions of eating “on diet” since we had our celebration the day before.  However, there was more pie and cheesecake and desert stuff that people had left over from their Christmas meals with family before they came into work.  Then, when I got to my second shift of work, they were having their holiday spread and invited me to join.  And I did.  I ate so much that I couldn’t eat anymore.

I can’t tell you how uncomfortable I am in my work clothes right now.  They are so tight.  I feel like a stuffed sausage, practically busting at the seams.  I’ve really got to stick with exercising 3-5 times a week and eating “on diet” most of the time.  I’ve got to reverse what I’ve done to myself over the last almost 4 months.  And to do that, I need to STOP eating handouts at work.  I used to be able to say no to free food…but here lately that has gone out the window.  My resolve has vanished.  My willpower has left the building.  I’ve been having to take antacids because my work pants are so tight that they’re squeezing my innards and causing heartburn.  Blech!

So, the last couple days were a total wash as far as being “on diet.”  Then, I go into work today with the plan to not eat anything off diet and there were cupcakes.  Ugh.  What has become of me?  Anyway, I had 2 cupcakes.  Then, I went to drink my protein shake and it was gross.  It smelled funny to me.  Then I realized what was wrong.  It wasn’t the plain chocolate that I thought it was.  It was chocolate mint.  Sometimes I like chocolate mint, sometimes I don’t.  This was one of the times I do not like it.  But, as luck would have it, Mark really likes that flavor so I’m going to sell him the tub of powder for half price.  Win-win!  Anyway, the rest of the day, I stuck to my diet, so that was really good and I’m proud of myself for that.  Now if I can just stick with it for long enough to at least get back under 180 again.  I know my pants will fit so much better once I’ve lost the first 5 pounds.

Tomorrow is another 3 mile run for me.  It’s also another 16 hour work day. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Getting Back At It...I Hope

So, I started off the week by actually going out and doing a workout on my own…the 3 mile run.  Hooray!  Then, yesterday I went to my training session with Samy, my trainer.  He had me do the jump rope for a minute, then a minute of the heavy ropes on a Bosu ball, then I donned a weight vest and did kettlebell front squats, then lunges with one foot up on a bench behind me, then he had me use the TRX straps to do what he called “pistol squats” (you lean all the way back, stand on one foot and extend the other leg out in front of you and then you squat)…then I repeated the whole thing 3 times.  Next up was suicide sprints, pushups, mountain climbers and double leg side-to-side jumps, repeated twice.  After that we did about 10 or so minutes of kickboxing and then finished up with abs.  A pretty good workout!

With my eating, I didn’t eat “on diet” on Sunday.  I ate out with Mark at my favorite Indian restaurant (lamb tikka masala and garlic naan…YUM!).  Sunday night I ate a PB&J sandwich, an oatmeal and some baked Tostito’s chips with plain bean dip.  Yesterday, I ate mostly “on diet.”  I picked up where I left off with the Shred Diet when I went on vacation: week 4.  I say I was mostly “oh diet” because I ate a few shortbread cookies while at work.  Then, today was straight up horrible.  I started off good with my frozen fruit and yogurt smoothie and portioning and packing all my food for the day, then I go to work and there was cookies and pie and chips & queso, carne guisada...OH MY!  But, today is over and tomorrow I'm back on track.  Since it's going to be a long day (9am to 6am on Thursday!!!), I might add an additional 150 calorie snack to my daily food...I think a baked potato with salsa and some shredded low fat cheddar sounds like a good addition.  Plus, I'll break up my breakfast and do the frozen fruit smoothie pre-run and the grapefruit and lemon water post-run.

I didn’t exercise today because I worked the overnight shift last night and got off work at 6 this morning and then had to be back to work at 1:45 this afternoon.  Only time to sleep today…no time for anything else.  But, tomorrow, I plan to be up by 9 and hitting the trail by 10:30 for a 3 mile run.  I’m working a double shift tomorrow night, so no workout Thursday morning.  But, Friday I want to repeat tomorrow and be up by 9 and heading out to run 3 miles again by 10:30.  Then, another double shift Friday night, so no workout again on Saturday.

My plan for next week will start off with a  4 mile run on Sunday and a workout with Samy on Monday.  Other than that, I don’t want to get into next week’s schedule until next week.  But, I will say that I’d like to get in a session of the “Paige workout.”  I don’t want to jinx myself by laying it all out on here and then I’m not able to do what I said I was going to do.  I hate it when I do that, but the sad part is that it seems to be happening to me a lot lately.  Sad and frustrating.  But, it’s all my own fault.  I haven’t been trying to motivate myself to get out there and do my workouts.

So, the culmination of my 2 weeks of barely working out at all coupled with eating out every day and just plain indulging…and sleeping a lot too…is that my weight is now up to 185.2.  Yup, I weighed in yesterday when I woke up and that’s what the scale said.  What does that mean?  Well, it means that I am officially up 13 pounds since the fitness competition ended August 1st and that I have regained just shy of half of what I lost in the year that the competition ran.  Omg…how humiliating.  And it only frustrates me more when people tell me I look great right now.  Yea, well, I’m glad you think that, but I know different.  I do NOT look great.  And when I look in the mirror without my clothes I am disgusted that I let myself do this to myself.  Also, as if how I look isn’t bad enough, I put my uniform on for the first time in 2.5 weeks last night and I could barely get it buttoned and zipped up.  Wow.  2.5 weeks ago it fit just fine.  And then I wrote the other day about my running capri tights trying to squeeze me out of them like toothpaste from a tube.  This just isn’t good at all.  I need to drop 5 pounds as fast as I can.  If I can drop 5 pounds, my uniform will fit sooooo much better.  If I can stick to the diet and keep up with my exercise, I should be able to do that in the next 3 weeks, if not the next 2…if I’m lucky, of course.

OH!  And a little side note, when I was getting ready for my overtime shift at work last night, I picked up a clean pair of work pants off the top of my dryer and what did I find?  I found the RNR shirt that I have been searching for over the last 6+ weeks and had actually given up and accepted that I had somehow thrown it away.  Sooooo very happy that I found it!  I can't wait to wear it for a workout...but not tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Christmas so I will wear a red running shirt (short-sleeved or long-sleeved depending on temp) and my green Nike "pow" capri tights. 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

I RAN!!!

Well…way early this morning, I posted about how on Friday night I had made a statement that I planned to do some sort of exercise yesterday…but, I didn’t.  Last night I made the same statement about today.  I was meeting up with Mark this afternoon for some Indian food and a trip to the new Austin Aquarium at 2pm.  I didn’t get to bed and asleep until after 5am because at the Christmas party last night I drank 2 cups of Starbuck’s coffee and I haven’t drank any coffee for about 2 weeks.  Oops.  So, then I finally got to sleep, but then I really couldn’t stay that way.  I had set my alarm for 11, but was wide awake at 9…I laid in bed until about 9:30 and said forget it and got up.  While this did not bode well for me for the day as a whole, it did bode well for me actually doing what I said I was going to do today…go and run 3 miles.

So, at 10 past 11 this morning, I started slipping on my running gear.  I had checked the temp and it was 47° out.  A little chilly.  But, there was the potential of warming up and needing to remove my long sleeved shirt, so I put on my red tank top that I bought to wear to run the RNR half last month and pulled one of my running pullovers with the thumb holes over the top.  The running capri tights I picked to wear today were a little tighter than the last time I wore them (hello, I’ve gained about 10-15 pounds since I wore them last), so for the first mile I kept having to pull them up until they stretched out a little bit and were no longer trying to squeeze my legs out of them like toothpaste from a tube.  I filled my water bottle.  I put my new Bluetooth earphones on and them put my sunglasses on over the top of them to hold them in place a little better and then turned on the Bluetooth connection on my phone and then turned on the music.  Then I headed out the door.

It was nice to just slap on my Garmin 10 and not have to worry about strapping on the heartrate monitor that goes with the 210.  My Garmin took its time finding a connection, but by the time I was done with my warm up, it had finally found one…YAY! 

I had put my phone in one of my running storage belts.  As I ran, there was a little bit of cutting in and out with the music, but the earphones never actually lost their connection so the music never paused.  Hooray!!!  The sound quality was awesome.  I loved that if I wanted the music louder or softer that I could just reach up to my left ear and click the up or down button to accommodate that desire.  Also, if I decided I didn’t want to listen to the song that was playing, all I had to do was reach up to my right ear and click the skip button and voila it skipped to the next song!  So fabulous!  There’s no way I’m taking these earphones back.  I love them!!!

So, I ran a little slower (but not by much) than I did when I ran the Brown Santa 5K two weeks ago.  I did 3 miles flat in 31:13 where I ran the 5K in 32:13 (and I’ve noticed that all the races I run seem to add an extra 10th of a mile…so the 5K wasn’t 3.1 miles, but 3.2 miles).  During my first half a mile this morning, I felt really good and even thought about making it a 4 mile run instead of a 3, but quickly cut that idea down by telling myself that I don’t need to push myself too much and that 3 miles was just fine.  And it was.  I was ready to be done in the last half mile.  I had to pep talk myself through that last half mile.  But I did it!  I didn’t stop! 

A quick overview of my emotions surrounding today’s run.  As I was making the walk up to the front of my apartment complex and before my warm up, I started getting really excited.  I wanted to bounce and dance around and squeal with delight at the fact that I was about to go for a run!  When I was done with the run and walking back to my apartment before stretching out, I got overwhelmed with emotion and started to tear up.  It felt so good to run today.  It was like seeing an old friend again that you didn’t realize you missed as much as you did until you saw them and then you cried like a baby!  Haha!  And then, of course, post run, I just had a nice runner’s high like I was floating on a cloud!

Starting Over...Yet Again

This vacation hasn’t gone as I had hoped it would.  I had hoped/planned to exercise 4 times a week…2 days of running (a 30 minute treadmill interval session and a median run of 5-8 miles), 1 day with the trainer and 1 day at the gym (most likely doing the “Paige workout”).  However…that didn’t even remotely happen.  Ugh.  And as far as eating according to my diet or even according to common sense?  Yea, that hasn’t happened either.  I’m so frustrated with myself.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I’m the one that didn’t motivate myself.  I’m the one that let myself be lazy.  I’m the one that didn’t say “no” to myself. 

There, now that I’ve gotten that little pity party out of my system I can move on.  I can’t change what has happened (or not happened, as the case may be).  All I can do is focus on now and on what will happen. 

I know what I *want* to do and I know what I *need* to do and, well, really…they’re basically the same thing.  While I haven’t gotten to the point of self-loathing, I know I have gained weight and I am unhappy with that fact.  But, it’s a fact.  And what do we do with facts?  Yep, we deal with them.

A little while back, I posted my “goals for 2014.”  This will take effect on the 5th of January.  But, that doesn’t mean I can’t get started before that.  But, to be honest, I’m going to take the time between now and then to get everything ready…to get my plan nailed down and finalized.  I’m going to plan out a week, maybe 2, at a time.  I’m just going to focus on each week or 2 week block and not worry about what comes after that.  And I’m not going to be doing this alone.  My friend Mark is also starting his “Biggest Loser” competition on the 5th.  So, we’re going to be motivating each other as we go along.  If either one of us is having a weak moment, we’ll message the other and get words of encouragement from them.  We’ll be each other’s cheerleaders.  And I really want to make sure that he and I work out together at least once a week.  Sundays will be the day easiest to do this.  I don’t work overtime on Sundays so it’s an actual day off for me and he’s also off on Sundays, so it works out.  Now, if I’m not working overtime on Friday overnight or Saturday morning shift, then we can meet up for a treadmill run on Saturday morning.

Speaking of Mark’s challenge, I’ve started putting together a plan for him.  I’m going to do his in 1-month blocks.  I’d really like for him to get a few workout dvds…in the event that he doesn’t buy any, then he can look up workouts on YouTube or for free.  I’ll have him do at least 1 workout video a week, maybe 2, depending on how I structure the rest of the week for him.  I also don’t want him always doing the same video…I’d like him to do a different one each time.  I guess I should task him to buy himself some resistance bands to do the videos with.

Over the last couple months, I’ve let things go…over the last couple of weeks, however, shit has just gotten straight out of control.  If it wasn’t for an organized 5K charity event and my sessions with my personal trainer, I would not have worked out AT ALL.  This depresses me…and angers me.  But, sadly, it isn’t motivating me.  UGH!!!  Guess I’m just gonna have to FORCE myself back into the game.  This week, I want to start with the whole getting in at least 3 workouts a week routine.  It’s super early Sunday morning right now (but basically still Saturday night because I haven’t gone to bed yet), but I want to start this routine when I wake up.  I want…no, I NEED…to get in either a 30 minute run or a workout video before meeting up with Mark for an afternoon of fun and a “last meal” before buckling down on my eating again.  Starting tomorrow, I’ll be back on the Shred Diet…I won’t be starting it over, just picking it back up where I left off 2 weeks ago before my vacation started. 

Oh, and since I’m buckling back down on my eating starting Monday (tomorrow), then I’ll be doing a “starting” weight weigh-in Monday when I wake up as well.  I’m not going to set any deadlines or time frames, but I really want to be down to 160.  It would be fabulous if I got there before summer, in time to look faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous for the new water park opening up in my area this coming summer, but really, anything 175 or lower by summer is fine by me.  I do like how my mid-section looks at around 172-ish.


Friday, December 13, 2013


Yet again, nothing about being “on diet” or about doing exercise to report.  BUT!  It was still a successful day, just in a non-weight-loss-journey kind of way.  Haha!  First, the dress I had ordered off the internet for one of my Christmas parties I’m attending next weekend arrived.  I attempted to try the dress on and nope, it wasn’t happening.  I think I was able to get the zipper to go an inch before it just wouldn’t go anymore.  I wear a size 10, sometimes a size 8, depending on the brand.  This dress was a size 10, however it was at LEAST one size too small, maybe even two sizes too small with the large gap between the zipper sides when I tried to put it on this morning.

So, I take it to the store (JC Penney) to return it in-store.  Easy peasy, no problem returning it.  So, I wander the store to see if there’s possibly another dress that will do because, even though I did order a second dress and it’s *supposed* to be delivered by the 18th, I don’t really see that happening as the store hasn’t even charged my card for it.  I decided I wanted to stick with a red dress.  So I found 3 dresses.  One was a junior’s dress and the other 2 came out of the women’s section.  All red.  All sexy.  I get in the fitting room and try on the junior’s dress.  It’s a little snug, but more importantly, it was waaaaaaaaay too short for my comfort (that one was a size 9).  Next!  I try on a size 8 with a zipper that goes from butt to neck.  When I slipped it on, it looked amazing!!!  But, halfway up, the zipper was being difficult, so I slipped the dress on and tried on the 3rd dress.  It had a loose fit drape neck top part and a fitted pencil skirt bottom.  Meh.  Didn’t like.  Put #2 back on and managed to get the zipper all the way up with some wriggling.  OH. MY. GOD.  This is my soul-dress.  I was meant to own this dress. 

So the irony of the dresses is that the first dress was a size 10 (my size) and it was 1-2 sizes too SMALL for me.  Then, I go and try on a size 8 in the store and it fits PERFECT.  Stupid brands making their sizes different.  Why can’t they all be the same!?!?!?!?!  This, ladies, is why you can’t base your weight loss off what size clothes you wear…unless you ONLY wear one brand…for EVERYTHING.  Who does that?  Not me.

Anyway, after I tried on dresses, but before I checked out, I wandered the store a little.  In this JC Penney’s, there’s a Sephora cosmetics outlet.  And they do foundation matching for you for free!  So, I had the lovely miss Nina match me up.  She used this nifty little camera thing that takes a picture of your complexion on your neck, cheek and forehead and then it inputs it and tells her what brands and shades are appropriate for me.  I picked the second one she did a test stripe on my jawline with.  And it was the “house brand” so it was less than half the price of the other one.  But, more importantly, it looked way better than the other more expensive brand.  Then, she proceeded to show me how to properly apply foundation.  She said I should moisturize, then apply a primer and then apply the foundation.  Oh and don’t apply your foundation with your finger tip or a sponge.  Use a foundation applicator brush.  I never knew this!  She demonstrated each method on a mirror and by far the application with the brush was the best.  I didn’t buy a brush there because they wanted $28, instead I found one at Kohl’s for $8.  So, before we were done and I checked out in Sephora, she applied the foundation to my entire face so I could see how it looked and also feel how it felt on my skin.  Let me tell you, I kept forgetting I was wearing makeup because I couldn’t FEEL it.  Usually I can feel the makeup on my skin and it doesn’t necessarily feel good.  It feels heavy and it itches.  This foundation felt just like my skin.  It was light and didn’t itch at all.

I would also like to report that all of my Christmas shopping is done as of today.  All presents are wrapped as well!  Woohoo!!!  I had to kind of settle on one of the gifts, but I think the person will still like it. 

Oh, and the concealed handgun course I was supposed to do today got postponed due to the weather.  It’s rainy out and this specific course I’m taking takes place on an outdoor range.  So, we’re going to try again on January 4th.  My supervisor even gave me the day off so I don’t have to rush to work after the course is completed.  YAY!  One less thing on my mind while I’m trying to shoot well.  Of course, that means one of the 3 days of overtime I’m working that week will be paid at straight time instead of time and a half, but that’s ok.  I really really want to take this course and be able to carry my gun with me at all times (minus certain legal instances…like liquor stores or bars…places I never go anyway…haha).  But, even though I didn’t get this done today, it’s still a success because I was going to be really extra super tight on money and now I have an extra $100 to last me until the end of the month.  That helps.

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