Sunday, December 29, 2013


So…I weighed in this morning and wow.  I did not see what I was expecting at all.  Sure, my eating wasn’t stellar, but I think I did better than I had done in the weeks previous.  Also, I did exercise 4 times…and they were quality workouts…all of them.  However, despite my hard work, I GAINED a pound.  What the hell?  And don’t you even THINK about saying something along the lines of “oh maybe since you were working out you gained a pound of muscle.”  No.  Just no.  I need reality, not fantasy.  Fantasy with real life problems does no one any good.  It puts you in denial and, well folks, that’s how I got fat in the first place…and I refuse to go back down the route to being fat again.  I’ll do better this week because there won’t be any mass amounts of Christmas food at work to tempt me.  I’m just beyond frustrated right now.

Change of subject…….

Running really makes me emotional.  I have such a connection to it.  More than any connection to anything or anyone I’ve ever had before in my life.  Watching videos that other runners have made in regards to their running, or reading their blogs about their running, or following them on Instagram, it is just amazing to me.  I feel honored…like they have purposely included me…ME…into their lives and to share their experiences with me. 

I got on Jost Running’s website (they do virtual races year-round that you can register for and they give you printable and custom race bibs AND medals!!!  Go to to check them out) and started reading their blog today.  On this blog were a few videos that I took the time to watch.  Usually, I don’t watch videos on blogs, but something about these videos…I just felt compelled to watch them.  The first was a video about a guy named Bernd Heinrich.  Amazing man.  He wrote the book Why We Run…which I now plan to read.

So, this may get a little graphic…feel free to skip this paragraph.  So, as almost everyone that has been running regularly for any amount of time knows, running makes you poop.  Well, I did a lot of pooping today.  So, tomorrow, I’m going to weigh myself again to see if maybe I was just holding onto some extra “baggage” when I weighed in this morning.

Okay, so, a friend recently said that they thought I was feeling down about my weight and how I look.  Let me clarify something.  I do NOT, under any circumstances, EVER feel down about my weight or how I look.  Why?  Well, because it does no good.  What I DO feel is frustration.  Frustration can be productive.  It can spur you to make the necessary changes in your routines and habits to lead you toward the progress and ultimate success that you have your eye on.  “Feeling down” about something means that you see no hope for your situation.  I am far too happy of a person (partially due to medication, but also due to the fact that I am a very lucky and blessed person in life in general) to “feel down” about something as transient as a brief setback in my weight loss journey.  Sure, regaining 13 pounds in 4 months of the 33 pounds it took me an entire year to lose is very frustrating and a weaker person WOULD “feel down” about this.  But it’s only a setback, it has let me know what my limitations are.  Setbacks are temporary.  I have them.  Such is the nature of the beast known as clinical major depressive disorder that lives within. 

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