Friday, February 7, 2014

Confessions

Figures, the day I post my workout schedule for next week is the day I get the email from the other area supervisor confirming overtime dates for me to work the next 3 weeks.  Geez.  So, I’ll have a total of 3 shifts of overtime next week, so, let me now redo my workout schedule for next week…here we go:

• Sunday – overtime morning, run 6-ish miles in the PM
• Monday – trainer workout
• Tuesday – run (3 or 4 mi?)
• Wednesday – run (2 or 3 mi?)
• Thursday – sleep only
• Friday – sleep only
• Saturday – rest, race expo

The good news is that my legs will be well rested come Sunday morning for the race!  I don’t know what I was thinking when I signed up for overtime on the 14th.  Oh well, I’ll go home, sleep for like 4 hours, get up, go to the expo, go back home, relax…maybe do some yoga (?)…then go to bed early so I can wake up early Sunday morning to get to the race on time.

Okay, I need to address something here.  I’m struggling.  I have done this off and on throughout the last 3+ years.  I do great for a few weeks or a couple months and then bam I fall off my weight loss wagon and go down the wrong path and get lost.  It’s so frustrating, but it sort of puts things in perspective, I guess.  At least for you guys.  I’m not perfect.  Nowhere near it.  I’m normal.  I have problems.  I struggle.  THIS IS NOT EASY.  I may or may not have mentioned this before, but I’m pretty sure I have ADHD, which does make it difficult for me to keep myself focused.  Sure, I could talk to my doctor and he would probably agree to prescribe me medication that would help me stay focused on my goals and my journey, but my life wouldn’t be as fun as it is now.  I’ve just got to find a way to work around this and not let it become an excuse or a reason as to why I allow myself to trip up and fail.  I am saying all this because the first 4 weeks of this year, I did great.  I lost almost 10.5 pounds in that time.  Then week 5 happened.  I’m not sure what happened but my body stopped doing what it was supposed to do…eliminate the waste byproducts creating by eating food…and I gained some weight.  Then, when I couldn’t get my body to start doing what it was supposed to do, I go frustrated and I fell and now I’ve gained back most of what I lost in those first 4 weeks.  It would be sooooo easy to give in to a pity party and wallow in self-loathing.  But that would be the easy way, the coward’s way.  It would not be my way.  I’ve got to pick myself up, dust myself off and get back on the path I started on at the beginning of the year. 

I started the current fitness challenge I’m participating in at 182 lbs and I made a 2 month goal to lose 5 pounds.  That means that by March 15th, I need to be at 177 or less in order to have met that goal.  That’s 5 weeks away.  Frankly, I’m not sure I can do it.  I may fail at reaching this goal, but I’m going to try.  I’m not going to throw in the towel and just give up on winning the competition.

I have to be honest, it’s so hard to not get discouraged that I keep doing the same thing over and over again.  I take 3 steps forward and then 2 and a half back.  How am I supposed to make progress if I keep doing that?  Very, very slowly, that’s how.  But it’s still progress and that’s what I have to remind myself of.  I wish I had the magic fix to my problems, but I don’t.  I have to deal with them.  They’re not going to just magically disappear and never bother me again.  If I can’t learn to deal with and control them now, how am I supposed to succeed at maintaining my weight loss once I’ve hit goal?  I won’t.  So I have to learn now so I can succeed later.

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