*sigh*

Every day I get to work about 30 minutes early and sit in my car and scroll through my Instagram feed.  I follow a bunch of cats and a bunch of fitness minded people.  Some of those fitness minded people have lost a substantial amount of weight and are living an amazingly healthy and happy life and these are my role models.  These are the people I look up to.  One these people in particular, lvnfit, has lost 150-ish pounds.  So much that she had to have skin removal surgery.  She looks aaaaa-mazing.  She always posts her workouts and what she’s eating.  Some day when I have nothing else to do, I need to go to her Instagram and write down all the recipes for the stuff she eats and model my diet after what she eats.  I’d also like to do some of her workouts. 

I know I’ve written about this a couple times recently, but I REALLY need to get motivated again and relose this 20-ish pounds I’ve regained since last August.  I don’t know why I haven’t been able to get my butt in gear yet.  I have the desire, but the motivation isn’t coming around.  I think part of it is the amount of overtime I do at work and that when I have the time to sleep in, I take it and then skip doing strength training workouts.  And I did finally get my work friend to bring the P90X discs in that he gave me, so I have those workouts that I can do as well.  And I really like the P90X workouts…just not the YogaX…I hate that workout.  If I’m going to do yoga, I do Bob Harper’s Yoga for the Warrior.  I LOOOOOOOOVE that workout.  Speaking of P90X…when I did the program a year and a half ago, by the time I was done, I could do 5 pull ups on my pull up bar I installed in my bedroom doorway.  I tried to do a pull up the other day.  No go.  I got about halfway up and crapped out.  Ugh. 

So much is just plain frustrating to me right now.  Top of the list is, of course, my lack of motivation to change.  Second is when I think of all the strength I’ve lost over the last 8 months.  You would think that buying 2 new super cute bikinis that I actually want to wear would do something for my motivation, but nooooooo…nothing.  You would also think that the plethora of bad photos of me from the races I’ve done recently where I have thunder thighs and fat lumps on my hips and a spare tire around my middle would give me a nice kick, but again, noooooooooooo…nada.  Why am I like this?!?!?!?!?!  I suppose I should really seriously consider getting some kind of therapy.  And I do plan to, but I can’t really afford it until the beginning of the next fiscal year when I have money in my flexible spending account to pay for the copays.  But that’s so far away!!!!  Ugh!!!  Yet another frustration for me.

I got the word from my supervisor that my June vacation for my trip to Oregon is approved.  So, when I got home from work the other night I went to the website for the half marathon I’m going to run while I’m in Oregon and REGISTERED!!!  Then, I went to the website for the hotel that has a deal with the half marathon and is offering discounted rates to participants and reserved my room for the night before the race.  I’m so excited!  I posted on my personal Facebook for my Oregon friends to message me so we can make our plans for while I’m there.  I can’t wait to see my friends and family!  My brother has expressed interest in taking me out for a trail run or “other coolness” while I’m there, so I’m looking forward to that.

I’ve already made plans with some friends for while I’ll be there.  I still have some open time that hasn’t been filled by any meet ups yet.  I spent some time at work the other day deciding what days I want to run on.  So far, I think I’ve decided on 7 days (that includes the half marathon) that I want to run while I’m there.  I want to make one of those the trail run with my brother and another one a buddy run with my friend Kamala…who I need to email so that we can make those plans.

I no longer have the obligation to be back in Texas by 5pm on the 13^th.  So, I first thought that, hey, I can stay in Oregon 2 more days than originally planned…but then I was like, ooooo!  I can go to Crater Lake and the Grand Canyon on my way back to Texas instead!  So, that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to get up with my parents on the morning of the 11^th, go for a run, shower, pack up the car, go drop the house key off to my mom at her work, and then find somewhere yummy to get some breakfast then I’ll make the 3.5-ish hour drive to Crater Lake where I’ll spend a couple hours walking around and taking photos.  After that, I’ll start heading in the direction of the Grand Canyon.  I’ll get a hotel room near it and in the morning, I’ll go for a quick 2 or 3 mile run (just an out-and-back), take a shower and head to the Grand Canyon.  Again, I’ll spend a couple hours walking around and taking photos, then I’ll hit the road and start the final leg back to Texas.

In happy news, the photos from the Sunshine Run finally became available.  In not so happy news, they are not free downloads as their comment about photos being posted on their Facebook page soon led me to believe they would be.  Boo!  There was 9 photos of me and all but one were basically horrible.  My thighs looking incredibly fat thick, my stomach resembled a spare tire…they just weren’t pretty.  I ended up going with one of my finishing photos, very similar to the photo I chose from last year’s BunRun 10K (as previously mentioned in another post, the Sunshine Run is taking the place of the BunRun by taking over its annual time slot and it’s course route) and they had the same photographer for the Sunshine Run as the BunRun used last year.  So, as soon as I receive the photo I purchased in the mail (a hardcopy is a few bucks cheaper than a digital download), I’ll post it on here.  I’ll also be putting together my scrapbook page for the Sunshine Run when I get it and will be posting a picture of that as well.

I worked double (16 hour) shifts the last couple days.  Ugh.  So exhausting, even though the work isn’t all that strenuous.  The fact that I’m only getting about 5 hours of sleep for 2 days in a row is what really takes it out of me.  That’s why I really try not to do back-to-back double shifts, but if that’s what I can get for overtime, then I’ll take it.  But, I prefer not to do that. 

Monday my eating was generally not good.  I ate bbq sausage, mac and cheese and cake.  Oops.  Tuesday my eating was mostly good.  I ate a blueberry scone from Starbuck’s and a bunch of broccoli that wasn’t on my food list for the day…but what’s wrong with some extra broccoli?  Wednesday, I stopped at Starbuck’s on the way to work again and got another blueberry scone.  I also took some extra broccoli to nosh on if I got snacky/hungry.  So, not too bad overall. 

It’s difficult for me to make it through a boring overnight shift because I’m counting down every 2 hours when I eat.  I’m definitely an emotional and a boredom eater, so this is especially difficult for me as I only bring a certain amount of food with me.  And, as it’s boredom eating urges I’m having, I’m not actually hungry. 

Tomorrow, I plan to do either a P90X workout or the jump box workout in the morning before work.  Then, Saturday, I’ll do the Stand Up 5K in the morning and, in the afternoon…or maybe as soon as I get home, we’ll see how I feel…I want to go for an 8-10 mile bike ride and then whatever I don’t do tomorrow morning, I’ll do after the bike ride.  Sunday, I have 8 miles after dark scheduled.  If I get bored in the afternoon, I might head to the gym and swim until I’m exhausted.  I really, really need to start adding more variety to my workouts.  In the past, during efforts to lose weight, I have ALWAYS been more successful when my workouts were varied.