Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Terrified

I have something I need to discuss.  I have NEVER lost this much weight this quickly.  NEVER.  The most I’ve lost in one week is 5 or 6 pounds, and that was when I was way heavier, back when I was first starting on my weight loss journey, 4 years ago.  Also, the last time I lost at least 10 pounds (January of this year…but it took me a month to do it), my body wasn’t processing the food properly and I ended up getting “stopped up” and the scale starting going UP instead of continuing to go down…then I got frustrated and gave up and started eating junk again. 

So, what I’m trying to say is that at this point, right now, I am TERRIFIED.  I am so scared that the weight loss I’ve been experiencing is going to not only slow down (I’m actually okay with that because it WILL happen), but stop and then the scale will start moving UP again.  I can’t tell you just how scared I am that this will happen.  I hope and pray that my downward motion on the scale continues and I can reach my goal of 30-32 pounds lost. 

Something I’ve thought about, especially when taking into consideration just how much extra food the entrée recipes make and how much food I now have frozen and set aside for future eating, is how long do I want to continue to eat this way after I’ve reached my goal?  This diet is a very doable diet.  My body seems to be processing everything properly and doing its “functions” on a regular basis, so I don’t see why I can’t do this long term.  I could make it my standard way of eating with the occasional meal out with friends or by myself “just because.”    And, while my goal is to hit 170~, what if I could lose even more weight and actually maintain it fairly effortlessly?  That would be amazing!  Because, really, I would love to hit 160, but last year, when I participated in and won the first fitness competition by losing 33 pounds in a year and hitting every short and long term goal I set for myself, I got stuck at 172.  I could not get below 172.  I was stuck there for the last 2+ months of the competition.  It was so frustrating, but I came to believe that that was my “happy weight.”  That that was the weight I was “meant to be.”  But what if I can actually break that barrier and get down to my original goal weight of 160?  What if that is actually achievable?  Now, I’m not going to hold my breath and I’m not really going to “try” to get lower once I’ve hit 170, but if it happens, then GREAT! 

Sad news…my coworker that had the smaller chest freezer talked to his wife and she doesn’t want to get rid of it in favor of a larger one like he wanted to do, so I won’t be buying that one from him.  Boo!  So, next Friday, when I get paid, I’ll be heading over to Fry’s to check out what they have available and if they have the size I want, then I’m going to buy it and schedule a delivery time, for hopefully next weekend.  I figure whatever food I cook this Sunday will keep just fine in the fridge until I can get the new freezer in the apartment next weekend so long as it’s contained properly.  I just need to move some stuff out of the dining room where I’ll be putting the new freezer to make room for it.  I have a bunch of paintings I did a few years ago, when I was heavier (before I started losing weight), stacked up.  I’ll just take them to my storage unit.  Problem solved.

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