Thursday, September 25, 2014

Getting Something Off My Chest

So, I want to talk a little about something that’s bothering me right now that has nothing to do with weight loss or running. 

Earlier this year, an ex-boyfriend found and messaged me on Facebook.  This is not a message I ever wanted to receive and let me tell you why.  I dated this guy for about 13 months.  While we were together, I got pregnant and the two of us decided together that we would terminate the pregnancy because of financial concerns.  We didn’t think we could give the baby everything it needed on our menial incomes.  While we were together, I loved him an incredible amount.  I mean, I would have done anything for him…literally.  While we were together, he cheated on me with 9 other women, the 9th one, he got pregnant and promptly told me that “at least she won’t murder my baby.”  He said this like I had made the decision on my own and without consulting him at all.  He was the one that drove me to the clinic and picked me up when it was over.

When I finally broke up with him and came to the apartment to get my things (half of which he had removed from the apartment while I was gone so I couldn’t have them), he was drunk and threw a beer bottle at me and physically assaulted me.  Thankfully, I had not felt safe going by myself to get my things and had a friend/witness with me.  She was able to get him off of me and we removed what was left of my belongings.

So, when he messaged me on Facebook asking how I was and would I please respond to his message, I of course completely ignored him and blocked him.  This week, he found me on Instagram and started following me and posting comments on my pictures asking how I was doing.  So I blocked him on Instagram as well.  I really have no idea what has possessed him to think that I would want to talk to him…and frankly, I don’t care.  Which is why I never messaged him back asking him what he wants from me.  He is my past and he will remain there. 

A friend said maybe he wants to apologize for being horrible to me.  She didn’t know the extent of how horrible he was to me and when I told her she said, “oh no, no apology could make up for those things.”  There are exactly 2 people in this world that I hold grudges against and he is one of them.  I never think about him…or at least I didn’t until he started sending me messages.  Now I have all these bad memories floating around in my head.  But, you know what I’m going to do with those bad memories?  Use them as motivation for my runs!  Anger makes you run faster and harder and by doing that, you’re cleansing yourself of the bad memories and whatever hold they may have over you.  While I may have these bad memories floating around in my head and they do bring me a small amount of anger, that’s it.  That’s the only affect they have on me.  I will soon reforget about him.  I’m done and I’ve been done for a long time.

Whew!  I just had to get that out and off my chest.  I feel so much lighter now!  And now, back to weight loss efforts and running!  That’s a much better and more fun topic!

I just had to share this.  My runner friend that is less than happy about how I conduct my runs was talking to me about how amazing my 12 mile long run was this week.  We discussed what my goal pace was for the Dallas Marathon and I told her that it was 12:30 which would put me at a 5:27 finish and that I normally train at 12:30 with my shorter runs at a faster pace (like a tempo run, really).  After a little back and forth, she seemed more than satisfied that I was prepping myself in a decent manner and told me that I should ace my marathon if I stick to how I’ve been doing things (not in so many words, but that was the gist I got from what she did say)!  This means so much to me that she would say that.  Seriously made my entire week!


  1. I hold a grudge against a guy for nearly the exact reason. Except he's never bothered to contact me. If you're ever interested in art journaling, this could be something you could journal about. I did something where I wrote out this long vent, then painted over it with a beautiful picture. I'd still stab the guy if he ever came near me but the art journaling helped.

  2. Good for you for not even thinking of talking to him or giving him the satisfaction of "apologizing"


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