Monday, November 2, 2015

Almost 5 Years

This past Saturday when I weighed myself, I was happily greeted with the scale telling me I was at 170.2 lbs.  Basically, I was at my goal weight (.2 over, “technically”).  This is the lowest I’ve weighed in my journey to lose weight, which started almost 5 years ago.  5 years is such a long time to take to reach a goal.  It’s such a long time, in fact, that what you hoped to see in the mirror when you hit your goal weight when you first start your journey doesn’t match what you actually see when you do reach your goal.  Don’t get me wrong, I look amazing and I’m not knocking that AT ALL.  Not even a little bit.  Nope, in fact, the opposite.  I’ve come so far and worked so hard that I just want to improve upon what I’ve achieved over the last almost 5 years.
Monday I went to the gym and I wore a form snuggling workout tank top and these capri tights that I had bought online from some place in China.  The website listed the size as “one size (XS to M).”  I wear a medium in capris and leggings.  So I wasn’t sure that these fancy sugar skull capris were going to fit or fit well at all but they were only $10 so I thought what the heck.  The capris fit like a glove.  They were a little snug around the thighs because, well, I have semi large American girl thighs.  I do squats and lunges, yo!  But after wearing them for a little bit, they quite sliding down my thighs, forcing me to pull them up every 5 minutes.  Anyway, I have recently discovered that I love what I see in the mirror, so I find myself checking myself out a lot.  This might sound a little arrogant, but it’s not, believe me.  I’m just amazed and caught off guard by my own transformation.  So, I took a few pictures of myself doing exercises in the gym on Monday because I thought I looked fantastic.   I then posted these pictures on Facebook and the responses I got were these:
• “You deserve to brag!!!  You are doing great!!! And looking great too!  You’ve come a long, long way!!!  So proud of you!!!  And I totally understand the mirror thing!  I do it too!!!  We will never be that other person again!!!!”  To which I responded “Never, ever again!!!”
• “Girl!  I’m thinking the same.  You look great and I would feel the same.  I need to squeeze in some time to work on me.  You help so keep posting and sharing.”
• “You should be very proud!  No one handed this to you…you worked hard for it!”
• “This does a ‘mind print’ so you always remember what you’ve worked so hard for!!”
My mom posted that last one.  Love her!  I responded to her post by saying “Yes!  Exactly!  Couldn’t have said it better myself!  I look in the mirror or window reflection and I tell myself, this is one of the reasons you have worked so hard and kept starting over when you fell down.”  I really have worked hard.  And it has not been without bumps and potholes in the road, or completely driving off the road and getting stuck in a muddy field in the middle of nowhere.  Heck, I already said I’ve been trying to lose this 90 pounds for almost 5 years.  I know people that have lost over 200 pounds in less than a year.  But I am not those people.  I wish I was.  I wish I had lost the weight in less than a year, but I didn’t.  I’m not even going to make excuses or downplay anything because this last almost 5 years has been HARD.    I wanted to give up completely so many times.  But I didn’t let myself.  I’d wallow for a little bit, then I’d be right back at it again.
So, this last weekend when I weighed in, I had reached my goal weight of 170.  I feel great and I do love the way I look and my clothes fit great too.  My FitBit Aria scale also gives you a body fat percentage.  The healthy body fat range for a female is 24-31%.  My body fat is currently at 34%.  So, I’m not done.  I have to readjust my goals.  I’m starting with changing my goal weight to 165.  I figure, if I do it right, if I lose another 5 pounds, that should drop me below 31% body fat.  If it doesn’t, then I’ll try another 5 pounds, but that’s it.  I don’t want to be below 160.  I don’t want to have a huge struggle with maintenance.   So, basically, I hit my goal weight but it wasn’t enough.  That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate where I’m at or the work I’ve put into this.  I’ve lost 90 pounds!!!  That is most certainly nothing to sneeze at.  So what if it took me almost 5 years…I still did it!
And this is what I have to remember.  I wanted this.  I didn’t want to be a prisoner in my own body anymore.  I didn’t want to be miserable and watch everyone else live their lives and have fun while I was too uncomfortable and sick to participate.  I wanted to live life too!  That’s why when I look in the mirror or at my reflection in a window I smile, I take pride in what I see!  I worked hard for this.  This is my life and I love it!
This is something I’ve told myself many times over the last almost 5 years.  And I’m getting extremely close to the never having to “suck it in” point.  So very close!  I can almost taste it!  And really, I only suck it in (and even then, only a little tiny bit) when I’m taking a picture of myself.  I’m so close to being in the maintenance phase of this journey for the FIRST TIME EVER!!!  I’m so excited to start that new phase!

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